I am feeling rather honest these days. At the moment I am reading about the metaphysical and philosophical elements of Hinduism. Sometimes these chapter interactions for class surprise me about how interested I really am in these sorts of things. It opens up whole new worlds and opportunities of thought to me. Not so much for my spirit, but for my imagination. For some reason, reincarnation fascinates me. I guess in my mind it is placed within the ranks of the paranormal and supernatural. Reincarnation fascinates me the same way superpowers do. For some reason I have always been drawn to the supernatural. I can’t get enough of movies based on comic books or television shows like Heroes. When I watch Heroes, I await the display of a supernatural ability like a kid awaiting to open gifts on Christmas morning. I am hanging on the edge of my seat waiting for them to show me what it looks like. Then I walk away pondering what it would be like to be supernatural, to live forever, to control electricity or be even wield the mystical abilities of ancient martial arts. If I was ten years old again, this would manifest in all sorts of imaginative demonstrations (sometimes it still does when I am alone in my house). If you wouldn’t have known any better, you’d believe that I actually was a ninja. You should have seen how many crane kicks I performed from the theater doors of Karate Kid to my father’s Nissan Pathfinder.
All this to say that it is interesting to me that whenever these thoughts enter my mind, an immediate guilt follows as if I must limit my imagination. I have to wonder if sometimes this is the influence of church life. Not so much following Christ or the search for truth, but the kind of community church life based on mathematical spiritual formulas and secular business models. The kind that says a mature spiritual person looks like this (insert cookie-cutter here) and this is how to get there. P.S., Do not color outside the lines either! There is this unstated assumption at times within Christian life that you must check your brain, heart, or imagination at the door. Let’s not forget our fellow brethren’s response to things like the Davinci Code, Twilight, or Harry Potter, how embarrassing! Before I get written off as a rebel and critical spirit, I must say that I believe for the most part that we have done the best we know how to do. Nevertheless, growing up in a small holiness-based church created walls for my brain and heart. I remember having conversations with others before my encounter with grace that make me cringe and induce self-loathing even today. There were lines and barriers that were set up before interactions with others would even begin. Alarms would sound off if those fundamental trip wires were crossed within conversation. Instead of walking along-side someone, truly listening, and journeying with them, I set up boundaries. When they crossed them, I analyzed, categorized, and judged accordingly. Mix that with my already predisposition to being a perfectionist and you get one heck of a monster. I was a mad-man blazing a trail for perfection and self-righteousness and I expected everyone who claimed to follow Christ to join me in the zealous pursuit. In the end, only to find that all my friends and fellow followers were dropping like flies. In hindsight, they were essentially standing at the dock lovingly sending my ship off with a salute saying, “Dude, I can’t do this. Good luck!” At this point in my life having come into contact with what grace really looks like, I feel like a caged bird set free. Not only to feel freedom from the law of sin and death, but to be able to think freely, to ponder the universe and all things in it as created by God, for God, and intended for good. To finally attempt to embrace how God has wired me up is probably one of the most cathartic experiences as of late. I have this tendency to try to be everything to everyone, or fit inside a specific mold in order to be aesthetically pleasing for others. I just end up becoming a cultural Pharisee (great phrase Tony). I always come to the end of that rope and go, “God, I can’t be this guy!” He replies, “Good! I didn’t create you to be that guy! I created you to use the gifts, abilities, and passions that I’ve given you. Stop trying to be everything else but that!”
The thought that I cannot escape is that so much of my experience with churches doesn’t look anything like that I experience in my pursuit of Christ. I would love to be a part of a body of Christ followers that accept others and celebrate others like I experience with Christ. I am inclined to believe that Christ is not concerned with the way people look, they way they dress, or what kind of art moves them. In light of this, the question must be asked, “What would it be like to be in a community that embraced this kind of freedom?” Last night, our student ministry finished their purpose statement. Now, I know that purpose statements are what they are, but aside from that fact, I was excited with the results. They came up with this statement, “_______ student ministry exists to reach students with unconditional love, to honor God with our lives, to gather with purpose, to grow to be more like Christ, and to serve others with diversity.” I was totally stoked about that. When do we get to experience a community of followers that accepts others despite the color of their skin, tax bracket, or personal affections? I think the time is now! I don’t think the church can wait any longer to experience this. I was impacted by a statement from a book a friend of mine read about four years ago (I wish I could have claimed it for myself…haha). If I remember the conversation correctly, in summary of the book, He said, “The church has to change or die.” There is such a sense of urgency in that statement and I think that it pinpoints the way many people feel about the way we are doing life within church communities.
My heart is aching to love people because they are people. The individual who is created by God is sacred simply because they are created in the image of God. We hold so much in common with others if we would just let ourselves see it. I am seeing some of these things come about in our student ministry and this really excites me. My prayer is that I would trust God with it. Ministry has been so hard in the past and part of me is waiting for someone to come along and destroy what God is doing, but may I rest in Christ and let Him lead his students through me while I get out of the way. He loves them much more than I do, whether I believe that or not.
